F*ck Fatigue!


This is my least favorite part about being sick. People that have never experienced fatigue can't even comprehend what it feels like. Most healthy people confuse fatigue with being tired. Let me tell you, I am not tired. Tired to me means sleepy like I want to go to bed. Fatigue means every cell in my body is traveling in slow motion at a rate that feels painful, moving my body feels like air has turned to peanut butter hence every step I take feels like a huge effort, and I am not sleepy - my brain is going to be wide awake as I lay in bed suffering and uncomfortable. Some days I feel like a prisoner trapped inside my pain/fatigue body.
 
 

I have no solution for fatigue. I can drink a quadruple shot of espresso with absolute zero change so caffeine is useless. I haven't found a food, a supplement, a routine, or any natural remedy that helps with it but I have found three things I take comfort in on my fatigue days.

One: Resting in bed with some upbeat...

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Walking Out of the Storm

 My last blog post was close to a year ago. I have had a slight aversion to say the least. I titled it "Is The Journey Over" and less than two weeks later I ended up back in the hospital with Guillain Barre Syndrome again and unable to walk. My question about the journey was quickly answered as my healing had to start from scratch. My first hospitalization was in July and it took about four full months to start having good days again, this time it followed a very similar pattern. The first time fatigue was my biggest issue, this time both fatigue, numbness, and seizures have been problematic. The fatigue started to lift about four months later but I had to stop working out and start working even less too. Listening to my body and not pushing myself has been challenging - it's hard to battle your true nature.
 

Now that I am getting close a full year of recovery I feel like I am seeing the light. I can start making plans again and most...

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Two Months of Healing

 

The bumpy road continues! I know I am making progress but it is very subtle. I feel a little embarrassed to admit this but I think I cry almost every night. Nothing major, just a minute or two of pure frustration being released. I have these moments every day that I forget that I am not fully capable of my normal activities and lifestyle. Overall, I have full function of my body now although the right side is significantly weaker. This weekend I lost control of my right leg for a couple hours but it seems to have fixed itself. My biggest obstacle is the fatigue and knowing what my limits are. I tried seeing three clients in a day and spent the entire next day vomiting. It was a pretty clear sign that I am not quite ready for that workload yet. I am still unable to work full time at this point but am pushing my limits every day.

 

 

I have gone off of the Neurontin and am able to stay awake all day now. I have wanted to make the best use of all this time in...

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The Price of Having a Life

It seems like having a life comes at a price during recovery. I went to a weekend long meditation retreat in New York and having been paying quite a price ever since. I seem to keep forgetting that I am not my normal healthy self. I wake up every morning slightly disappointed that I still don't feel well. But even though I have been severely exhausted since I got back, the trip seems worth the setback. It was nice to have a little freedom. I remember driving on Friday and realizing I would be in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New York all in one day made me feel like myself again. I had to take a 2.5 hour rest break in the middle of the four hour drive and then when I arrived I felt like a limp noodle and had to lay down for quite some time. The excitement dissipated and I felt a little defeated. I drank more coffee this weekend at a meditation retreat than I think I have drank all month but the caffeine helped me push through. I also took more steps this weekend than I have...

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Coping with Chronic Illness: Attitude of Gratitude

 
I was standing in the shower tonight washing my hair and almost fell over backwards. I forgot that I no longer have the ability to balance with my eyes closed. Surprisingly, my immediate feeling was gratitude. I feel grateful for this experience. It is challenging, frustrating, and tedious but I am learning so many lessons along the way. I immediately thought of this photo by Monty Knowles, it has been in my mind all day. To me it is a reminder of both my inner and outer strength, my courage, and my flexibility in all aspects of life. I know these rough days suck and I can't always make the best of them no matter how hard I try but tonight I do feel blessed and grateful. I am grateful that I can walk again even if I do have a little limp some days and every step hurts. I am grateful that I have had new ideas to help people in similar situations. I am grateful for the challenge to stay positive in a difficult situation. Most of all I am grateful for my friends, family, and...
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