Is the Healing Journey Over?

 

I haven't posted an update in quite some time! Healing took awhile but I finally feel like myself again. I still don't have my reflexes back but nobody seems too concerned. The fatigue is gone and I am working full time and exercising again! I have been working out most mornings but my strength is still 50% of what it was. I want to start working harder on that in the new year and my doctor gave me clearance to go full speed ahead. I am cleared for everything but hurdles! I still have a couple minor disconnects in the nerves that make it easy for me to trip. It caused me to fall down outside and down the stairs a couple times but I haven't had any falls lately. I read that it can take over four years to get back to normal strength levels but I am hoping with my personal training knowledge I can beat those statistics.

 



An article by neurologist Dr. Parry explains why strength suffers "Surviving axons send out small branches called collateral sprouts that restore...

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Two Months of Healing

 

The bumpy road continues! I know I am making progress but it is very subtle. I feel a little embarrassed to admit this but I think I cry almost every night. Nothing major, just a minute or two of pure frustration being released. I have these moments every day that I forget that I am not fully capable of my normal activities and lifestyle. Overall, I have full function of my body now although the right side is significantly weaker. This weekend I lost control of my right leg for a couple hours but it seems to have fixed itself. My biggest obstacle is the fatigue and knowing what my limits are. I tried seeing three clients in a day and spent the entire next day vomiting. It was a pretty clear sign that I am not quite ready for that workload yet. I am still unable to work full time at this point but am pushing my limits every day.

 

 

I have gone off of the Neurontin and am able to stay awake all day now. I have wanted to make the best use of all this time in...

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The Price of Having a Life

It seems like having a life comes at a price during recovery. I went to a weekend long meditation retreat in New York and having been paying quite a price ever since. I seem to keep forgetting that I am not my normal healthy self. I wake up every morning slightly disappointed that I still don't feel well. But even though I have been severely exhausted since I got back, the trip seems worth the setback. It was nice to have a little freedom. I remember driving on Friday and realizing I would be in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New York all in one day made me feel like myself again. I had to take a 2.5 hour rest break in the middle of the four hour drive and then when I arrived I felt like a limp noodle and had to lay down for quite some time. The excitement dissipated and I felt a little defeated. I drank more coffee this weekend at a meditation retreat than I think I have drank all month but the caffeine helped me push through. I also took more steps this weekend than I have...

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The Laughing Doctor

I haven't really known how to give an update these days as it seems like nothing is changing. I did have my neurology appointment this week and he said to expect to struggle over the next few months and not feel like myself for a year. In a way this news felt disappointing but in a way it was a relief that it is "normal" to feel this way. My doctor was laughing at me a lot during the appointment - he laughed that I have already taught a couple yoga classes and trained a couple clients, he laughed that I went for a run, he laughed that I thought I could beat this. He couldn't believe how hard I have been pushing myself and found it quite funny how I thought I could just get my life back to normal. He told me that I need to get it through my head that I can't win - the nerves take a long time to heal and this is going to be a long journey. He laughed again that he was actually tempted to double my dose of Neurontin in hopes that it would sedate me and I would rest...
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Sweet Surrender!

 

 
 
 

Those are my FitBit stats since I have left the hospital. Nope, not obsessed at all lol. The cardio and fat burn is based on the amount of minutes my heart rate was in those zones. This has helped me realize that walking is so challenging for my body that it is sometimes a form of cardio. This has helped me mentally embrace how hard my body is working just to walk some days so even though the amount of steps may have decreased, the effort I put into those steps actually increased.

 

I am still searching for all the lessons to be found in this experience with illness. In hindsight I feel like the first lesson wasn't new but applying a lesson I have known for a very long time. We can't control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we react to what happens to us. I didn't experience fear or panic like you would think. I felt a certain amount of surrender to the fact that I couldn't feel my limbs. I felt like I could trust the...

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Coping with Chronic Illness: Attitude of Gratitude

 
I was standing in the shower tonight washing my hair and almost fell over backwards. I forgot that I no longer have the ability to balance with my eyes closed. Surprisingly, my immediate feeling was gratitude. I feel grateful for this experience. It is challenging, frustrating, and tedious but I am learning so many lessons along the way. I immediately thought of this photo by Monty Knowles, it has been in my mind all day. To me it is a reminder of both my inner and outer strength, my courage, and my flexibility in all aspects of life. I know these rough days suck and I can't always make the best of them no matter how hard I try but tonight I do feel blessed and grateful. I am grateful that I can walk again even if I do have a little limp some days and every step hurts. I am grateful that I have had new ideas to help people in similar situations. I am grateful for the challenge to stay positive in a difficult situation. Most of all I am grateful for my friends, family, and...
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Bumps in the Road

These words are my daily reminder right now that despite my body not feeling like my own, I am still me and I need to let that tiny inner light keep shining. These past few days have been challenging. I really hate being negative but my friends have told me that it is just as important to share the bad as it is the good. My fatigue levels have been ridiculously high throughout the weekend and I don't seem to be making progress.

I went for a walk on Sunday and it was the same walk I did with my mom last Sunday, a day after getting out of the hospital. This week I had to rest at three different park benches in order to make it home. I was really frustrated that my fatigue felt like it was getting worse instead of better. Then when I got home and laid in bed every muscle in my body started to throb and ache in severe pain. I wanted to go to sleep but the pain was too much. Eventually I took an over-the-counter sleeping pill and Doan's and was able to fall asleep an hour later.

...

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Lazy Girl's Lasagna

 
Since I have been home from the hospital I have been eating mainly raw food. Primarily because I feel like my body needs as many nutrients, enzymes and antioxidants as possible and secondly because I don't have enough energy to cook. Today was a rainy, dreary day with a doctors appointment that provided no answers so I felt like a little comfort food. I threw this together with as little prep time as humanly possible. I would say I spent less than five minutes in the kitchen and tried to make it as healthy and low calorie as possible.

The entire recipe has about 615 calories, 27 grams of fat, 60 carbs, and 37 grams of protein, so I would recommend making it into two portions meaning 308 calories, 18 grams of fat, 30 carbs, and 18.5 grams of protein.

 

Ingredients:

1 eggplant

1 cup of low-fat mozzarella cheese

1 cup of spaghetti sauce

1 tablespoon Italian herbs

salt

 
 

Directions: Preheat oven to 375 F

1. Slice eggplant...

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Heading Home from the Hospital

  

July 30

Transitioning home felt good. My mom was there to help and Bodhi was delighted to see me! Saturday morning we woke up and headed to Haymarket to get my fruits and veggies for the week and then went to Target to pick up a few necessities. It was my first day out of the hospital and I walked about 1.75 miles! When we got home my legs were throbbing and aching in pain and I found it difficult to stand up for the rest of the day. My nurse came to teach me how to give myself B12 injections. I wasn't feeling great and looking at the needle was making me queasy, it didn't help that the needles ordered were an inch too long for my lean muscles. I started crying because I didn't have the guts to do it myself. I wanted so badly to be independent and do it on my own. I also knew that if I could take the pain when a nurse did it, then I could also do it myself but my mind just wouldn't cooperate. I felt extremely frustrated with everything. I figured I...

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The Perfect Day Gone Wrong

 
I had the most perfect day and it ended with me in the emergency room. My day was filled with training clients, teaching a Pilates class, going for a beautiful run along the Charles River, taking some self care time afterwards to foam roll, I went home and played with my dog, and finished up back at the gym making plans for my clients. At 7pm when I stood up from my desk I had no feeling in my right leg and my ankle buckled underneath my weight. I tried to shake it off. I used the chair and desk to brace myself and regain my balance but the feeling in my leg didn't return. I figured out how to carefully walk with the numbness and got to my car and drove home. By 10pm I started losing the feeling in my left leg too. I went to bed anyways but at midnight my dog woke me up and I was losing feeling in my groin, lower abdomen, hands and forearms. My dog, Bodhi, was wide awake and alert. It was so out of character and I could tell something wasn't right in...
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